Butterfly Wings and Menopause

Menopause is a life transition.
I was in a park with my daughter and dogs the other day. Two young dogs were playing "catch" with a butterfly. The little white butterfly was agile, avoiding the snapping (playful) jaws of the pups, staying just out of reach. The beauty of the moment was in the movements of the butterfly. It was as if she (for the purpose of this blog, it was a "she" butterfly) was playing with the dogs, teasing them, loving the moment of movement and concentration. And that made me think. Women are just like the butterfly. We will experience metamorphosis several times during this life time, from puberty to the changing form when we are expecting our children, to maturity, to old age, this is a cycle. And like the butterfly in a cocoon we at times, will hide, will seek the darkness in order to  glow and grow again.

Menopause is a life transition.
During this stage of your life you are changing one identity for another, from being a mother, to being a mother without children, they gone, all grown up. Even your relationship with your children has changed. This is a huge psychologically change. To top that off, we are changing. At times I look in the mirror and think:  "Who is this woman staring back at me?" I really had to go through a phase of dissolving. Dissolving the old me, letting go of the old me - remember it is only in the last stage of the butterfly's life cycle that she becomes the beautiful butterfly. While I was looking in that mirror, seeing the stranger looking back at me,  I dissolved into tears. This realization that we are changing, is the scariest part or phase of the cycle. Like the image in that mirror, I  have to face it before I can start controlling my feelings and recognize it for what it is: just another phase.This is the time we have to take control. It is a new birth and in order to move forward you will have to re-organize your outer world to facilitate this inner birth.

Menopause is a life transition.
It is a opportunity to spread your wings, take on what you always wanted to do. Let your soggy wings dry - during this period (when the butterfly emerges, she must wait until her wings had dried before she can take flight). This is the same as our own drying out period, we have hot flushes, we have tears we have uncontrollably emotions, our emotions quiver at the slightest provocations. But after the quiver is gone, your wings will be strong and resilient. You are ready for flight. To me this is the most beautiful time of a women's life, this is the payoff time. Your have done your duty to husband and children, you now can take the world on with the knowledge and the experience life has afforded you. Your future security lies not in the face staring back at you in that darn mirror, but in the knowing of how to deal with metamorphosis.
Happy wings!

fabulous@fifty and our Friendships

Good Morning fabulous@fifty ladies (and the sensational@sixty) Ladies. The good news is women improve with age by becoming better at relationships, including the relationships with our friends, children and our parents. We are better communicators at this stage of our lives and have greater emotional intelligence according to Cognitive Neuroscientist and Business Improvement Strategist, Dr Lynda Shaw.

The even better news is that we now have realistic expectations and generally we have invested heavily in great relationships with friends and family. Agreed we do get hurt by friends and family because they do not behave as "we" would like them to behave, think, and feel towards us. But this is where the greater emotional intelligence is of utmost importance, we cry, we justify, and we move on. Ultimately nobody owe's us anything. That is a revelation that only a women who has been hurt in her younger days come to understand. Move on, but don't sacrifice the friendship, the family member to the slaughter of negative feelings.

It is true, as our oestrogen supply runs down (eat right and remember it does not run out) we are prone to more tears, but on the other hand we are better able to observe, read a situation, evaluate and communicate. We intuitively understand things, we forgive easy and for that reason we should be extra intuitive. Remember as well that the female brain has a larger limbic system, which means that females tend to be more in touch with their emotions. In addition, the language centers are larger in women and females tend to respond better to auditory stimulation, so if we see pain, we feel pain and we express pain - at this age better than when we were younger. This is not due (lol) to a bigger vocabulary, but due to a better understanding of the pain.

fabulous@fifty and beyond is truly the time to see our (female) friendships as the most important emotional investment we can make. Cherish your friendship, and see the footprints the friendship has left, see the times when you were walking alone and another set of footprints were there to help you walk the path of sorrow. We can laugh together, cry together, cry for each other but always remember the beauty of friendship.

Fabulous@Fifty: The Crossroads of Future Self

You are fabulous@fifty but can you still remember your dreams and your expectations before you were married. I did my dream/visualization/seeding board in the beginning of this month and it brought back so many memories. I had to face my Past Self in order to move towards my Future Self.

What a revelation that was; my younger Self had only a few dreams: being married, being the best mommy in the world; -I had no doubt that I would be a mommy, - being the best wife a husband could have............

And that was the sum of My Dreams! So few. At that moment, the moment that I realized that I had so few dreams and why did I not dream bigger,  my future Self came to me, she said: "Well you dreamed, you achieved that does not mean you must stop dreaming, stop living. Now is the time to dream bigger, to achieve bigger, to make mistakes, life is not about perfection, it is about trying, dreaming, doing, falling, getting up, learning, getting hurt and moving on. Step out onto faith," she said, "but remember, do not ask for little, because little will be given you."

I believe that Time is indeed Wisdom, I have changed. My Future Self had said that Life is not a hard Taskmaster, it is willing to give us everything we need  and more. I wanted to be the best mommy, and I was. I wanted to be the best wife, and I was. But sadly I forgot to ask for a stable old age, secure with house, pension, medical aid, funeral plan, no debt and all the "nice" that makes life worth living. If I had asked, I would have worked towards that. I did not ask, I did not get. I thought life will just add that. No we have to ask, focus and move towards all we want.

Now I am standing at a new beginning; a woman with lots of experience, tears, joy, failures, achievements, stretchmarks, wrinkles, grey hair and a new attitude towards life. I have to, I want to "make" New Dreams.

Menopause is a time to re-address yourself and I did just that with the help of a friend: My Future Self(s). While trying to put together my Dream?Visualization/Seeding Board. I realized that I was standing at a crossroad and I was looking towards myself a year from now, but instead of one Future Self, I saw two of me in the distance. In the one image I was vibrant, self-fulfilled, the pinnacle of achievement but sadly the other me was just older, sadder without hope for the future. Which one will I choose to follow. The one Future Self had realized she must ask a lot and a lot will be given. She has realized that her potential is only guided by the limitation of thoughts. Think big, dream big and move towards achieving it.
The second Self was still caught up in self doubt, thought limitations, she was caught in the web or nest of emptiness, a maudlin nest (which you cannot always blame on menopause) and self pity. Yes the children had left, moved on and instead of being proud of their achievements, she was stuck in an abandonment frame of mind.

It was really easy to make that choice, I want to follow the path of potential.

Being fifty is not only about a healthy body or being good looking it is all about Change, and the reality and the energy of making that change. You have to step boldly into your tomorrow.

My vision board is up, and I am looking towards the future with so much enthusiasm, I am walking fast towards the Future Self that I have chosen. Standing at that crossroad was a visual gift, I urge you to make time, meet your Past Self and then decide who you want to be in a year from now. See her, love her and learn from her, she has been there, she can guide you.
I am so happy that you are travelling with me, learning with me, we need to be transparent in order to become the amazing Donna"s we are. I refuse to be an Old Crone - Together we are Donna's.
Lots of love.
Tessa

MENOPAUSE - AND A SHADOW OF SADNESS

While standing in a queue in a shop I had noticed a young mother with her two small girls. The mother was perhaps in her middle thirties; and at that moment a shadow of sadness had washed over me. For the first time in my fifty two years of life I was sad and I longed for my youth. Perhaps it was due to a recent fall I had. My body felt stiff and sore and I am walking with a limp which in turn twisted my spinal, resulting in a searing pain in my left hip.

This young mother was dressed in jeans and a T-Shirt not at all glamorous, but she looked stunning. Her body lean and energetic, (which I at that moment lacked seriously), her hair was thick and luscious even although it was carelessly tied in a soft bun with a single clip. Nothing about her said that she dressed to stand out but in the simplicity of her appearance she was truly stunning.

Just for a shadow of a moment I had felt a sadness; sad for myself, for the lack of youthfulness, for the lack of a body full of energy and the lack of a pain free body. (Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway: never ever slip on wet tiles). But then a sliver of light crept back into my mind, I am fifty two years young and even although I cannot, ever, be thirty five again, I can be the best fifty two years ever.

While standing in that queue I had realized that I had given the pain  complete control over me. It was in fact my choice to let the pain and the fear control me. While looking at that young mom, I knew that by wishing and hoping I am losing one valuable gift: the gift of now.

Yes I am sore, yes I am scared that I might not ever walk without a limp again, I am scared that I will have to go for a hip replacement operation and I am scared that I may never run again. I had to ask myself the question: “Do I give in, do I give up. Am I ready to cross the border of becoming an old crone?”

So early on Saturday morning with all of the above still fresh in my mind, I had dressed in my walking gear, taken my dogs and for the first time in four weeks had gone walking. With every (sore) step the fear had fallen from my heels, the shadow of longing for a younger me had been crushed under my heels. I am my body. I will take care of me, I will be the best of me – NOW!

Perhaps one day, somebody younger, somewhere in a queue will look at me and think: “I wish I could look as good, when I am in my fifties, as this lady in front of me.”

Have a stunning day and remember look after yourself and love yourself.

Spring has Arrived in all her splendour!

IT IS SPRING
And like the season suggests we must have a spring in our step, a bounce in our walk and a song in our soul. Where is the magic that hides within Spring?   Is it the warmth of the sun, the blossoms and the fragrance from honey suckle and jasmin, sweet pea and fruit blossoms, I am sure it is, but it is the magic and the wonderment of re-birth. It is the cycle of new beginnings. The magic is in the abundance of colour and in the power to create all this from hidden sources, the magic is hidden within expectation. We eagerly await the next cycle, summer. Summer will  bring forth the cycle of ripening.

With winters cold season of hibernation behind us, we now shed the layers of clothing, and we want to feel the warm kiss of the gentle spring sun upon our skins. It is time to pack away the heavy Shea butter and cocoa butter lotions. (Use the winter left overs for when you have had a few too many hours in the sun, it will then re-hydrate the skin.)

Lotions made from macadamia and avocado oil are rich in nutrients and will keep the skin supple and well hydrated. But the best advice I can give for spring and summer is to use hydrosols.

Hydrosols, also known as floral waters are products from steam distilling plant materials, such as lavender, rose geranium and orange flowers. Hydrosols are like essential oils but in far less of a concentration. It is a bit denser than water because of the nutrients it contains. When a distiller brews flowers, he or she fills a large pot with water, the steam fills the pot, as the heat  rises it fills the pot and causes the the glands of the plants to burst open and release the oils and essence of the plant into the steam. The essential oil however rises through a condenser and collects in a separate container.

Hydrosols are the by product of making essential oils, but o girl, is it nice, rich in nutrients, a gift from the goddess of nature herself. Use it on your face before you moisturise, use it when your skin feels a bit dry, it is absolutely lovely when you suffer from eczema, or tend to have a dry, flaky skin.

Now to share my secret with you all: Essentially Tessa uses hydrosol water when making lotions, especially my spring and summer range. You got to love it. In my range of lotions you do have the perfect light spring/summer lotion; a fusion of macadamia nut oil, avocado oil, jojoba oil and Rosehip oil blended with a hydrosol: Absolutely nourishing, moisturizing and heavenly.
www. essentiallytessa.co.za

DETOX-WEEK 2; DAY 1

Instead of a glass of wine to celebrate the first and the end of WEEK 1 I had 2 glasses Saturday with fresh Salmon and very good company. Now we are ready for WEEK 2; DAY 1.

This week might be the most difficult week as far as restriction s are concerned. Tackle this week with enthusiasm, you will reap the benefits.

During WEEK 2 I focus on fruits and freshly squeezed fruit juices as well as vegetables and legumes. The legumes will carry on the quest to clean our intestines while supplying valuable nutrients.


First thing: warm water with some fresh lemon or orange juice.

Breakfast per 1 person
Papino with 4 tablespoons, natural low fat yogurt, with 2 tablespoons of fresh or frozen mixed berries. Make sure you include black berries as well.


snack: 1 banana.
Herbal tea: if you use this DETOX PROGRAM to banish wrinkles use horsetail and red clover tea. If you want to generally DETOX, drink warm ginger water.

Lunch:
A green salad with 1/2 avo, and 1 tomato and half a cup of alfalfa sprouts, plus 2 tablespoons of sesame and flax seeds, drizzle some olive oil and lemon juice over the salad.
Fruit water or green tea.

Afternoon Snack
2 carrots, a bunch of spinach, 1 apple and a tiny piece of fresh ginger. Juice this and drink slowly. This will yield 2x glasses. Keep one glass for your bedtime snack.

Supper
Hot broccoli and leek soup. No bread, not even sourdough.
Horsetail and red clover tea.

Bedtime Snack:
The rest of your vegetable and apple juice.

DETOX-WEEK 1-DAY 5

Nearly through WEEK 1. I have seen the drop on my scale, and have lost a few cm already. I will post the lost weight and cm on Sunday Evening.

Make fruit water with cranberries or goji berries.

Drink warm lemon water.
Breakfast
Oat bran seasoned with cinnamon ( you may add 100ml soy or rice or oat milk)
4 almonds
Green tea or fruit tea

Snack
Wedge of melon
Shredded coconut, 2 tablespoons

Lunch
50-100g broiled salmon
Avocado salad, drizzled with lemon juice.

Snack
1/2 cup sliced strawberries
Wedge of lemon

Supper
Leek, broccoli and cauliflower soup. Make the recipe same as in Day 2 but add the cauliflower.

Bedtime Snack
4 macadamia nuts
Small peach or nectarine.