While standing in a queue in a shop I had noticed a young mother with her two small girls. The mother was perhaps in her middle thirties; and at that moment a shadow of sadness had washed over me. For the first time in my fifty two years of life I was sad and I longed for my youth. Perhaps it was due to a recent fall I had. My body felt stiff and sore and I am walking with a limp which in turn twisted my spinal, resulting in a searing pain in my left hip.
This young mother was dressed in jeans and a T-Shirt not at all glamorous, but she looked stunning. Her body lean and energetic, (which I at that moment lacked seriously), her hair was thick and luscious even although it was carelessly tied in a soft bun with a single clip. Nothing about her said that she dressed to stand out but in the simplicity of her appearance she was truly stunning.
Just for a shadow of a moment I had felt a sadness; sad for myself, for the lack of youthfulness, for the lack of a body full of energy and the lack of a pain free body. (Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway: never ever slip on wet tiles). But then a sliver of light crept back into my mind, I am fifty two years young and even although I cannot, ever, be thirty five again, I can be the best fifty two years ever.
While standing in that queue I had realized that I had given the pain complete control over me. It was in fact my choice to let the pain and the fear control me. While looking at that young mom, I knew that by wishing and hoping I am losing one valuable gift: the gift of now.
Yes I am sore, yes I am scared that I might not ever walk without a limp again, I am scared that I will have to go for a hip replacement operation and I am scared that I may never run again. I had to ask myself the question: “Do I give in, do I give up. Am I ready to cross the border of becoming an old crone?”
So early on Saturday morning with all of the above still fresh in my mind, I had dressed in my walking gear, taken my dogs and for the first time in four weeks had gone walking. With every (sore) step the fear had fallen from my heels, the shadow of longing for a younger me had been crushed under my heels. I am my body. I will take care of me, I will be the best of me – NOW!
Perhaps one day, somebody younger, somewhere in a queue will look at me and think: “I wish I could look as good, when I am in my fifties, as this lady in front of me.”
Have a stunning day and remember look after yourself and love yourself.
