fabulous@fifty and our Friendships

Good Morning fabulous@fifty ladies (and the sensational@sixty) Ladies. The good news is women improve with age by becoming better at relationships, including the relationships with our friends, children and our parents. We are better communicators at this stage of our lives and have greater emotional intelligence according to Cognitive Neuroscientist and Business Improvement Strategist, Dr Lynda Shaw.

The even better news is that we now have realistic expectations and generally we have invested heavily in great relationships with friends and family. Agreed we do get hurt by friends and family because they do not behave as "we" would like them to behave, think, and feel towards us. But this is where the greater emotional intelligence is of utmost importance, we cry, we justify, and we move on. Ultimately nobody owe's us anything. That is a revelation that only a women who has been hurt in her younger days come to understand. Move on, but don't sacrifice the friendship, the family member to the slaughter of negative feelings.

It is true, as our oestrogen supply runs down (eat right and remember it does not run out) we are prone to more tears, but on the other hand we are better able to observe, read a situation, evaluate and communicate. We intuitively understand things, we forgive easy and for that reason we should be extra intuitive. Remember as well that the female brain has a larger limbic system, which means that females tend to be more in touch with their emotions. In addition, the language centers are larger in women and females tend to respond better to auditory stimulation, so if we see pain, we feel pain and we express pain - at this age better than when we were younger. This is not due (lol) to a bigger vocabulary, but due to a better understanding of the pain.

fabulous@fifty and beyond is truly the time to see our (female) friendships as the most important emotional investment we can make. Cherish your friendship, and see the footprints the friendship has left, see the times when you were walking alone and another set of footprints were there to help you walk the path of sorrow. We can laugh together, cry together, cry for each other but always remember the beauty of friendship.

Fabulous@Fifty: The Crossroads of Future Self

You are fabulous@fifty but can you still remember your dreams and your expectations before you were married. I did my dream/visualization/seeding board in the beginning of this month and it brought back so many memories. I had to face my Past Self in order to move towards my Future Self.

What a revelation that was; my younger Self had only a few dreams: being married, being the best mommy in the world; -I had no doubt that I would be a mommy, - being the best wife a husband could have............

And that was the sum of My Dreams! So few. At that moment, the moment that I realized that I had so few dreams and why did I not dream bigger,  my future Self came to me, she said: "Well you dreamed, you achieved that does not mean you must stop dreaming, stop living. Now is the time to dream bigger, to achieve bigger, to make mistakes, life is not about perfection, it is about trying, dreaming, doing, falling, getting up, learning, getting hurt and moving on. Step out onto faith," she said, "but remember, do not ask for little, because little will be given you."

I believe that Time is indeed Wisdom, I have changed. My Future Self had said that Life is not a hard Taskmaster, it is willing to give us everything we need  and more. I wanted to be the best mommy, and I was. I wanted to be the best wife, and I was. But sadly I forgot to ask for a stable old age, secure with house, pension, medical aid, funeral plan, no debt and all the "nice" that makes life worth living. If I had asked, I would have worked towards that. I did not ask, I did not get. I thought life will just add that. No we have to ask, focus and move towards all we want.

Now I am standing at a new beginning; a woman with lots of experience, tears, joy, failures, achievements, stretchmarks, wrinkles, grey hair and a new attitude towards life. I have to, I want to "make" New Dreams.

Menopause is a time to re-address yourself and I did just that with the help of a friend: My Future Self(s). While trying to put together my Dream?Visualization/Seeding Board. I realized that I was standing at a crossroad and I was looking towards myself a year from now, but instead of one Future Self, I saw two of me in the distance. In the one image I was vibrant, self-fulfilled, the pinnacle of achievement but sadly the other me was just older, sadder without hope for the future. Which one will I choose to follow. The one Future Self had realized she must ask a lot and a lot will be given. She has realized that her potential is only guided by the limitation of thoughts. Think big, dream big and move towards achieving it.
The second Self was still caught up in self doubt, thought limitations, she was caught in the web or nest of emptiness, a maudlin nest (which you cannot always blame on menopause) and self pity. Yes the children had left, moved on and instead of being proud of their achievements, she was stuck in an abandonment frame of mind.

It was really easy to make that choice, I want to follow the path of potential.

Being fifty is not only about a healthy body or being good looking it is all about Change, and the reality and the energy of making that change. You have to step boldly into your tomorrow.

My vision board is up, and I am looking towards the future with so much enthusiasm, I am walking fast towards the Future Self that I have chosen. Standing at that crossroad was a visual gift, I urge you to make time, meet your Past Self and then decide who you want to be in a year from now. See her, love her and learn from her, she has been there, she can guide you.
I am so happy that you are travelling with me, learning with me, we need to be transparent in order to become the amazing Donna"s we are. I refuse to be an Old Crone - Together we are Donna's.
Lots of love.
Tessa