MENO-PAUSE
NO PAUSE PLEASE.
Are we really, really ready to let go?
This was one of my no-show experiences. I will discuss the benefits of having a period in the next blog

Where is my period? I want my period! I am fifty years old and I am sitting on the toilet crying like a little girl over a lost doll. Fifteen days late and no period, I ran early this morning, 10 km (it took me about 3.5 hours, I am not that fit, in fact not fit at all) to jolt the period into a start. Now with shaking legs I sit on the toilet waiting – for nothing. No, no, no I am definitely not pregnant my husband has had a vasectomy eighteen years ago.

My very wise (I am 50 remember, there must be somebody wise living within me), self ask silently: Why do you want a period? Remember the sore boobs, the mood swings the cramps, the bloatedness. Need I go on? Although she speaks silently her condemnation quiver through my mind like a leaf shaking in the wind. It is as if she thinks I should be glad to not having a period.

I hit my flat palms onto my bare legs, “because I like my period. And, (she really got me started now, it was her, this Mrs. Wise living inside me, who convinced me to let my children go without fuss – (just silent tears every night and hoping they all marry quick so that I can look after the babies – I was going to start home-schooling for all of the children, I even penned the school room, of cause in my lounge). “After all”, -she said when my last child left for university “you did a great job, your children are not afraid to leave their nest. Be proud.”

Mrs. Wise wants me to just give up to let go of my feminine self, I crossed my arms on my legs and really sobbed. Everybody is leaving, first my eldest daughter, then my middle child also a girl and then a year ago my son, my baby son, and now my period. Never in a million years did I ever think that I would bemoan the day that I reached my climacteric stage of life (actually this sounds so much better than “middle age”).

“Yes,” Mrs. Wise whispered a little louder now; “but you got your husband, and he is yours alone. Don’t you enjoy the lovely evenings with a glass of wine and a relaxed supper, no more ten course meals for the growing children. And don’t forget the lovely sex; you don’t have to be quiet any more?’

“I know, I know,” I wailed, the sex is just perfect, but what if I don’t menstruate anymore? A panic attack started to grip my heart, my solar plexus and I sobbed louder.

Incidentally they say that panic attacks are part and parcel of meno-pause. Who, they are I don’t know because all my friends had had hysterectomies. Nobody can tell me what to expect naturally. And this not having my period is exactly why I am panicking. What if my vagina dries up and I can’t have the lovely sex I am enjoying now? What if the desire diminishes? I want my period and I want sex!

While I am crying and gesturing to the heavens, another thought struck me like a hot flush in the middle of a December heat wave: I am in the process of buying a car – a little red, soft top MG. O….., My……, Gosh. If I don’t menstruate anymore then I don’t deserve this little muse of mine. An old dried up woman must drive at least a sedan if not a donkey-cart to match her old crone status. Now I am really, really sobbing.

“Mmmmm,” murmurs Mrs. Wise through my wails: “Do you worry that you will lose your sexuality when your menstruation stops, when you enter into menopause?”

“Yes dammit,” I lifted my swollen, hot face – “I like the sore boobs, I like the bone weary tiredness that comes with a period. Those are the nights I phone my hubbie to tell him. “My darling what must I cook, I am so sore, I am going to have a period, every joint ache.” And he will say:
“You know what, I will bring take-away and I will buy some wine and do you want a little chockie for pudding?”

Only when I have a period do I enjoy a slab – no not a little piece, a whole block – of dark chocolate. Yes I love my period, when I cramp my husband makes me a hot water bottle and a cup of hot sweet tea. I love it!

Maybe I should plead with God, I will promise not ever to say that I am sore, that I hate not to be able to get into my favourite jeans at that time of the month. I will promise God I shall never ever curse the curse again; I will even embrace the headaches.

Immediately I folded my hands in supplication but Mrs. Wise whisper again: “Maybe it is not polite to pray on the toilet, wash your hands and go kneel by your bed.”

Red faced I do as I am told, sometimes I really need her.

But as I stood, I see the stain. The brown, red stain on my pantie and I sigh, - my period, then my sigh turns into a victorious cry. “My period, I started my period – Thank you God. I am going to lavish my bone-weary body after a hot bath with Chanel no. 5 body cream. I am going to get my little muse and I am phoning my husband now, right now. I want Chinese stir fry for supper, and a slab of extra fine, extra dark chocolate. I love my period, I love my husband and I even love Mrs. Wise.

Questions: Is it good to go on early menopause - surgically enhanced menopause?
What are the benefits of the dreaded periods after fifty?
How can I control the negative aspects of a period?
Can I control mood swings naturally?
How can I avoid INSOMNIA?
STAY POSTED WE WILL DISCUSS IT ALL AND MORE- LOVE TESSA.